I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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