I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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