Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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