I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.