My first STD was from a foam party
we're chasing vodka with high fives
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.