She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock