I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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