I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.