I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me