If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.