i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze