halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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