you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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