It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
