So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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