sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
