Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize