i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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