Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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