I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am available for nakedness
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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