Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I could fuck to npr.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
