you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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