the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We left the knife in your bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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