There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
