PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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