i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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