uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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