i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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