i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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