my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
