Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
