I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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