just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
