Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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