you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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