My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there were birth control emojis
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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