Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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