just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
