Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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