i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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