Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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