So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically