Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub