Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN