Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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