the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
