Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize