i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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