you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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