so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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