i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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