Where is the hickey?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
May the power of my ass compel you!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
