I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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