I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
