Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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