What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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