my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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